Welcome! Today I am breaking down the seven signs that someone has high self-esteem. So let's jump right into it:
- We know what we value and believe. To do this: we must understand our needs and wants, morals and values, negotiables and nonnegotiable. We need a north star: something that provides direction, stability, balance, and framework to honor our self-worth. When we have these settings in place, we have a barometer for everything we do. This also allows us to live for our purpose and achieve our goals. It will enable us to say no to things that will divert us from everything we want, and it keeps us from going against our values and beliefs.
- We face our imperfections. People with high self-esteem believe inherently that talking about and addressing our perfect imperfections make us good, not bad. It increases our self-worth because we value honesty. We are all naturally in massive denial but don't know we are – it's a survival mechanism from childhood. In denial, there is no truth. If we see our perfect imperfections, we get truth and honesty. If I'm honest with myself, I love myself. We must become an expert in facing and embracing our imperfections – they are growth opportunities. We develop "bad traits" as survival mechanisms – they are part of us. We can't banish them. Recovery is about integration, loving, and healing all aspects of ourselves. Shutting it out keeps us sick and broken. We will hear criticism without losing our core beliefs – we know who we are and are OK with that. We don't put others down or judge them to put ourselves up. When people show me their darkness, I see their perfect imperfections. We all put people down sometimes – that's a sign there's still a part of us that doesn't feel loved, and we should work on it. We take sole responsibility for our life outcomes. There is a phenomenon in our society of blaming others and playing the victim. We all determine our life outcomes. We all have roadblocks inherent in our makeup – that's just life. With high self-esteem, we aren't looking to blame or place the responsibility on others. Our choices have created the outcomes we experience. We must own them. We gain and learn new knowledge, skills, and tools to become better at overcoming roadblocks. I use a story in my book to illustrate this: imagine you're walking down the street, and out of nowhere, you get shot.
- The person with low self-esteem would scream at the government or other people, saying it's not their fault and it shouldn't have happened to them. I agree. It shouldn't have. But what they fail to recognize is they made thousands of choices that led them to that street at that time – you can't divorce yourself from that. It doesn't condone or let the sniper off the hook. But we have a choice. We can cry and blame or ask others for help instead. We experience moments like this all day, every day – with relationships, jobs, friends. We are all responsible for putting ourselves in a position and for getting ourselves out of the situation. No one else is. A person with high esteem takes ownership of all their life outcomes and wants to be the author of their own life.
- We embrace change. We recognize change is an opportunity to make us better and experience more joy. When we close ourselves off, we miss out on life. What is the most incredible experience in life? Hitting a roadblock and conquering it, right? Change is something I struggle with – it scares me from what happened in my childhood. In high school, I had been playing hockey, ready to come home for Christmas – so excited. My dad picked me up and said my mom had disappeared that day. Boom, out of nowhere, everything changed. I go home to my sister on the phone screaming at the police, begging them to find my mother. Change scares me because of this experience, and I have every reason to be scared. But my greatest blessings in life have come from confronting moments like that throughout my childhood. I get an opportunity to overcome that pain and reclaim myself. I get to put further distance from that pain and trauma. It brings me joy and possibility. When we don't allow change, we stay stuck in those traumatic moments. If our life isn't how we want it, we plan to make changes. Are you starting to see a theme?
- We have a healthy relationship outlook. Remember, we own that every person who comes into our lives is only there because we allow them into our lives. We recognize that we are responsible for any aspect of the relationship. We aren't responsible for others choosing to be bad actors or mean, but we are accountable for allowing it into our lives. I ask myself, "what was it in me that attracted me to them?" And if I wasn't aware they were like this, that is also about me. We need to gain more tools about human and relationship dynamics. People end up in bad relationships because they don't have the knowledge, skills, and tools to look for specific characteristics. We must take ownership of that. We don't condone it, but we see the mistreatment as us needing to learn something.
- We put a plan in place to take care of ourselves in every area of our lives. It is our responsibility, but we can accept and ask for help from others. Connection is a part of high esteem. We celebrate when those close to us are unavailable because we know we can do it ourselves. The relationships we see in our society of wanting someone who sees you as perfect and always supporting you are harmful. It's an abusive fantasy of someone with low esteem waiting to be rescued. True love recognizes there are times in our life when our partners can't be there. There's an old fable where a girl asks her grandma how her marriage lasted so long. The grandma says she went to a pastor, and the pastor told them to each write down three things that no matter what, you will always forgive. The grandma said whenever the grandpa did something she didn't like, she rolled her eyes and said it must've been one of the three things. This is a fable, but the sentiment is accurate. Typically, our partners will not always support us – and they shouldn't when our behavior is poor! We must always be prepared to help ourselves. We must recognize that society has taught us all to be codependent and put a plan to learn to grow beyond it. We take ownership and responsibility. We don't need to be rescued. Some parents come to me concerned about their child's relationship or marriage. The parent doesn't realize that they are sending a message that they don't believe in their child and only they the parent can save them. Is that the message we want to send? We should give them an avenue to learn instead of swooping in to save them.
- We communicate effectively. We seek to be intimate and vulnerable without fearing rejection. We are open about pain and imperfections. We recognize rejection is a construct and not real – no one ever rejects us. It's a sign of low esteem when we feel rejected because we place our value in others' hands. Someone with high self-esteem recognizes this and grows beyond it.
We own our life when we have high self-esteem. Self-esteem is centered on being the author of our creation or destruction. It's all an individual choice. And if we don't know how to do it, we put a plan in place to gain the knowledge, skills, and tools to overcome the obstacles. We stop looking for things outside ourselves to fix the problem.
There are thousands of choices we make to put ourselves in every life position. And once we learn that, we believe in ourselves to construct the best outcome.
Are you looking to solidify your self-esteem? I have a masterclass that will provide you with the self-love, self-confidence, and self-esteem you deserve! Check it out!
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